Hi! What are you up to at the moment?

I'm writing the third series of Black Books. In the first series I hadn't written sitcoms before, and I didn't know diddly-squat.

But you do now?

I don't know. Perhaps I know about diddly...but I dunno about squat.

Do you feel pressure to be funny when people are talking to you
offstage?

No I don't. I never have. I don't understand comics who are always “on”. If you feel funny it's like you feel cold or warm. And if you don't give a fuck, you don't give a fuck.

Interviewers in the past seem to have found you a difficult task.

Yeah, I don't have the knack, like some people give good interview. Like they give good outdoor walks or give good apple pie. I find the whole thing very mysterious and baffling. I find when I read interviews I don't come away knowing any more or less about them.
You know, this is a much-talked about thing. We're interviewing everyone now - you're interviewing your postman. Everybody's gone live at this stage, and it sometimes would be nice just to turn it off. I think I feel a bit guilty about contributing to the chatter.

So you're not really a miserable git then?

No, no, not at all. Well, it depends on your point of view. But the description doesn't bother me.

Well here are some of the things other interviewers have said about you:
“Misanthropic and arsey”; “a bit like getting toothache”; “his emotional
range runs from guarded to reticent”...

I think they all err on the side of generosity.

So when are you at your least misanthropic and arsey?

Well, I have to say at the off that I'm appalled that these poor, sensitive, cherishable
journalists should have had such a hard time. I'm sure their exquisite sensibilities were irrevocably damaged and I feel awful about it. Oh, who gives a flying fuck?

Is it just doing publicity that winds you up then?

Yeah, it's a totally different job. Someone in a pink, sequinned bikini should be doing this job. I don't know how to sell the fucking thing, I just made it. It is what it is. I'm not really concerned whether X number of journalists or X number of the so-called public like it - and that's a thing, I've seen lots of people but I've never seen a “public”. Or if they like my performance, or me, or if a journalist thinks I'm an idiot in an interview, it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things. Publicity is hard, in short.

So why do you do it?
I do my damnedest to get out of it. Somebody has to front the programme, suppose. But I do try very hard not to do it. You understand I'm not complaining - you asked the question.